I’m trying to remain focused on my bubble….. not let outside influences blur my vision.
But I spent the morning in bed, feeling a little drained (unsure why?) So I’ve made the conscious effort to get up, get dressed and…. bake ! (Baking has always been my escape)
Today I made something new – a Jamaican spiced bun…. two in fact (one in bread maker and the other was oven baked) and they were delicious…. I’ve been nibbling all afternoon.
Had a chat with my close mate today, she made me realise the benefits of blogging and how therapeutic it has been for me, it also has given me a sense of accountability in terms of making every day count so that I have something to blog about but most importantly she confirmed what I also ready knew…. duvet days aren’t always a bad thing
In her words “Even doctors prescribe BED REST”
Reading back through my last few posts I notice the rollercoaster of emotion and that although I’ve felt very alone, simply extending my hand and reaching out to my mates could have made the much needed difference. Basically even when we feel very alone, it’s because we have wandered off …… alone and we are still loved even when we feel empty.
Friends are the family we chose – and I would chose her over and over again xx
Am I needy??
The best thing you can do for humanity is to go home and love your family #motherteresa
I think it’s so important that we invest in our families, broken kids grow into broken adults and broken adults are hard to fix. It’s the same with relationships – investment is everything!!
How can relationships continue to grown without the input from both parties ?
I often wonder if, after a decade of being in a relationship and some years married, my constant need to keep our relationship alive can appear needy but I think that people that grow apart don’t initially see it coming. It’s so easy to get caught in a routine and if that routine does not include quality time then what do you expect when you wake up one morning and realise that your spouse is merely your room mate and the connection is simply for necessity rather than desire.
Not me !! No sir!! That’s not my portion
But I do think it’s hard, whether it be misaligned love languages, levels of expectations, benchmarks of past relationships or just busy lifestyles – I think if you’re in a relationship then you must invest. Reaping and sowing comes to mind, it also must not be one sided, I’ve found that when I’m trying so hard to make quality time and it is overlooked I feel like I’m begging for something that I deserve. Then resentment can grow and the feeling of being taking for granted can creep in.
What defines us are our priorities in life
Please correct me if I’m wrong but if you’ve married someone you consider your friend, than are you being needy wanting to spend time with them? Isn’t that what separates you from the average Joe.
Then the overanalysist in me says that being called or seen as needy is purely deflecting from their lack of desire to spend time.
There’s also the issue of finding time…… I must admit the quiet moments in this house are few and far between so when they appear there is the temptation to want to spend it alone (watch trash Tv, call back your mate for a gossip or simply lay in a dark room enjoying the silence) but it’s bucking the trend and doing a few of these things together that shows effort and makes the difference.
So the jury is out…… Deserving or needy??
It’s crazy that we live in a world where everything is so easy, accessible, disposable even – that we are constantly looking for a quick fix.
When the walls of your life start to tumble, we tend to look for people who have their ish together and seek out their advice – I’ve often been that person that people turn to and I think I’m quite good at giving a balanced view.
But I always lead with the disclaimer that my advice is purely “my take” on the situation and it is more of an opinion than an instruction. This is so important that I make this clear because I know the power of my words.
Think about it….. when you share your opinion there is no legal requirement to follow through, it should not damage your friendship (if not taken) and it is more than likely influenced by your own personal experiences or situations that have happened around you.
Giving advice can be a battle between your moral compass and past circumstance
If you do not allow your personal experiences to completely cloud your judgement, you should be offering an outside perspective that it’s hard to see when engulfed by the problem but I hear so often that friends are fueling the anger of those seeking advice and siding with them through misguided loyalty
This is dangerous and made me think about the power of our advice…..
The flip side is that once the situation has been shared, it can alter your opinion of other parties involved and this too may have an impact on future advice – So we need to be careful who we share information with.
I just know I wouldn’t go to someone bankrupt for money advice, so when it comes to relationships I also look at the track record.
Judgemental ? Possibly but we have to protect our minds as much as our hearts. Remember the power of advice and the difference between that and just wanting to offload (vent with no dialogue)
A planted seed (good or bad) has the potential to grow.
Some say a problem shared is a problem halved….. for me sharing my problem is the equivalent of pointing out my weakness and exposing things that I consider failings….. whether or not they are my fault, they are associated to me and that is enough to make me clam up and keep it all in.
I also feel that speaking it, confirms its existence – whatever the problem may be. So I’m back writing instead as a way of releasing it and I suppose in a small way halving it by (kinda) sharing it with you.
If you are the strong, silent type that is able to read situations, predict reactions or outcomes and solve problems then you will understand why I get perplexed about my own issues and my upset at my lack of solutions – it feels like a short coming.
I just wanna be happy.
But the “Real” happy, genuinely happy as I have so many dark days…. even with the sun shining and loved ones around I question it all. My trust is low and worrying about external presception has become an element of daily life. Sometimes I question is real happiness even exists, I feel like some people around me have tasted it (at the very least) but I am also aware that how we present is not always what takes place behind closed doors.
I am yet to find a sustainable solution so I just keep marching on, mask firmly in place
Think I will start #21 days of blogging…. so I can review my thoughts
You know them days when you wake up and have a list of responsible, sensible things to do but instead you spend the morning in bed, in the rabbit holes that are Instagram and Pinterest ??
So I’m chalking it down to experience and taking the stress out of the situation by rescheduling the things that are not most important and having a chill day….. I deserve it!!
I’ve spent so much time beating myself up for wanting an extended duvet day but feeling like I was letting the world down . But I’ve learnt (slowly) that “you can’t be all things to all people” , so today I’m just doing me ….
Advice to me: (pep talk) Its not selfish to take care of yourself
I’m just not adulting today