#21daysblogging · Random

#Day 13 Crawling outside my Comfort Zone 

No matter how slow you think you are progressing, you are still overtaking everyone on the couch. #trainingmotto

 Day 13…… Unlucky for some

Today was full of barriers, self doubt, hurdles, my mind mixed with circumstances was screwing with me. Dramatic? Not today…. first my car was playing up – no problem will plan my journey and get the train *shudder*, then the bus to take me to the station did not turn up meaning I missed the desired train. Still workable, will reroute and take a later train from a different station….. get to station with seconds to spare and confused lady with buggy blocks my path and I miss the train!!

Right I’m sweating now, hair is frizzing, the air is thick with not a whisper of wind to cool me down. I’m ready to give up – call it a day and head back home. Everything is telling that this course is not meant for me – my business partner can’t come, I don’t wanna be late and I cant seem to get there!

I call my mate as I head back down the station stairs, explain the situation and she scoffs at me “Is that all it takes to give up? This is what happens outside your comfort zone…. go …. be amazing, if it’s this hard it will be worth it” So I turn on my heels, get the next scheduled train 5 minutes later and by God’s grace get there with 10 minutes to space #gofigure

The training session is about public speaking and anyone that knows me , knows I can talk for Britain but put me face to face with a “real professional / expert” or in front of a big group and I’m useless. Within the first 5 minutes the trainer explains that this is an interactive session and we will be doing most of the talking. I look around the room at all these confidence, professional women with business cards placed in plain sight ready for networking…. I shrink into my seat but as we are taught tips, tricks, share stories and gain structure. I’m ready to get in the thick of it and change the world !!

Under normal circumstances I would not have even entered the room but today just felt different, I feel the accountability of the blog also helped. What would I present if I had not attended? Excuses make us lose our authenticity but the truth is also not a great show of character if we do not try.

Needless to say my pitch was pants but it was an amazing starting point, I met some amazing women, learn something new about myself and my project ….. it was an all round win.

They say the magic happens outside of your comfort zone and I’m inclined to agree

Today was magical .

Emotion · Friendship · Love · Random · Relationship

Needy or Deserving?

Am I needy??

The best thing you can do for humanity is to go home and love your family #motherteresa

I think it’s so important that we invest in our families, broken kids grow into broken adults and broken adults are hard to fix. It’s the same with relationships – investment is everything!!

How can relationships continue to grown without the input from both parties ? 

I often wonder if, after a decade of being in a relationship and some years married, my constant need to keep our relationship alive can appear needy but I think that people that grow apart don’t initially see it coming. It’s so easy to get caught in a routine and if that routine does not include quality time then what do you expect when you wake up one morning and realise that your spouse is merely your room mate and the connection is simply for necessity rather than desire.

Not me !! No sir!! That’s not my portion

But I do think it’s hard, whether it be misaligned love languages, levels of expectations, benchmarks of past relationships or just busy lifestyles – I think if you’re in a relationship then you must invest. Reaping and sowing comes to mind, it also must not be one sided, I’ve found that when I’m trying so hard to make quality time and it is overlooked I feel like I’m begging for something that I deserve. Then resentment can grow and the feeling of being taking for granted can creep in. 

What defines us are our priorities in life 

Please correct me if I’m wrong but if you’ve married someone you consider your friend, than are you being needy wanting to spend time with them? Isn’t that what separates you from the average Joe.

Then the overanalysist in me says that being called or seen as needy is purely deflecting from their lack of desire to spend time.

There’s also the issue of finding time…… I must admit the quiet moments in this house are few and far between so when they appear there is the temptation to want to spend it alone (watch trash Tv, call back your mate for a gossip or simply lay in a dark room enjoying the silence) but it’s bucking the trend and doing a few of these things together that shows effort and makes the difference.

So the jury is out…… Deserving or needy?? 

Emotion · Random · Relationship

Chasing shadows

It’s amazing how someone can make a comment and it plays on your mind and can even alter you actions / reactions. 

Today I was fully tested, I have by 6 degrees of separation been in interaction with this person but we have never physically met. I knew I didn’t like them as our morals were not aligned, I was not happy with how they carried themselves and how their behaviour had an impact on me but nevertheless until this point they had been merely a shadow. 

I call them this as I am fully aware of their existence but know that their presence is temporary. 

I had been told not to worry but when no one was looking – I was trying to seek them out. I don’t like the unknown, suprises, not impressed that my instincts were not being taken seriously. But today it all made sense 

In completely twisted logic , the sun came out today – We came face to face and they really were nothing to worry about (a mess in fact) and like all shadows – they began to shrink in character once they had realised that I was there. 

I was able to walk away knowing that they had their chance and did not take it 

#riddles ? Maybe but it speaks to me (I get it) 

Emotion · Friendship · Random · Relationship · Uncategorized · Women

No adult-ing today 

You know them days when you wake up and have a list of responsible, sensible things to do but instead you spend the morning in bed, in the rabbit holes that are Instagram and Pinterest ??

So I’m chalking it down to experience and taking the stress out of the situation by rescheduling the things that are not most important and having a chill day….. I deserve it!! 

I’ve spent so much time beating myself up for wanting an extended duvet day but feeling like I was letting the world down . But I’ve learnt (slowly) that “you can’t be all things to all people” , so today I’m just doing me …. 

Advice to me: (pep talk) Its not selfish to take care of yourself 

  I’m just not adulting today