Posted in Random, Rants

I’m the same …. But I’m different

There is so much I have had to consciously leave in 2017, it sounds corny but I literally have to make a mental note that something’s need to be left in the past and by carrying out the same actions you are simply carrying bad habits into the new year.

I am by no way perfect and still have a amendments a mountain high but something’s just can’t continue, some people just can’t come too. It’s weird how the word “friendship” or even the length of time you know someone translates into loyalty for those that may not deserve it.

What better time than the clock chiming midnight of 2017 to create a line in the sand. I’ve realised it doesn’t even need an announcement sometimes a quiet movement away from the negative energy is enough…. it doesn’t even need to be New Years, it just needs to be a heartfelt decision. And like the results of a diet – I feel better for it

Today’s thought Everything is a choice – whether good or bad, stay or leave

On 1/12/2018 I made mine

Posted in blogging, Random, Rants

Making promises you can’t keep

The title has given it away…..

With all the good intention in the world, today just wasn’t my day and tomorrow is likely not to be my day either….. It’s not like I don’t have a chance to change the state of play but after very quick and careful consideration I have chosen a box of maltesers over two sessions of yoga and the email backlog.

I am fully aware that the more “rest” days I have the less likely I am to complete the challenge but it’s Saturday, my house is now empty after another evening of entertaining and I just wanna chill. Sorry not sorry. But I’m still blogging and the penny challenge is on track – so 2/3 ain’t bad right.

Today thought was provoked by my obsession with “list”. Although through bullet journaling I am able to keep track of all the things that I need to do and believe me there are loads. Giving myself daily tasks rather than monthly list is often the cause of my disappointment as there are only 24 hours in the day but I seem to always give myself tasks that require 26 or 27 hours to complete (leading me to think it’s possible) but it’s not and I am always faced with the choice – Do I steal hours from tomorrow or pick the most important tasks are just complete that??? It’s a dilemma I deal with often.

I know it’s not sustainable so I intend to work with more focus and be realistic in my goals.

The idealistic approach sounds great but is it sustainable?? Realistic may not be impressive but it will reap results

Posted in blogging, Random, Uncategorized

Off plan or No plan ??? You decide…..

So today was my last day of freedom before I return to work next week. It was meant to be full of personal achievements, box ticking and all round completion….. but it was interrupted by other around me and some how I end up in the town centre with shopping bags (breaking no spend January- 5 days in).

My only victory was the timeframe and underspend, basically I convinced myself I didn’t need that top that I’m now trolling the internet looking and I parked in a place where I was time restricted to stop it being a “day out”

But it still appeared to be all downhill from there, although I am now a proud owner of a yoga mat, 24 hours have passed and I missed today’s session. Then we had family visit so the evening tasks were swapped for laughter and dining out.

I even missed the bloggers deadline….. but in true “me” fashion and with the optimism that 2018 is more about the long game and creating change rather than beating myself up for my failures, I’m here at 3.34am giving you #day5 with the plan to do 2 sessions of yoga in the morning (later)

Today’s lesson – better late than never, but never late is better…….. Drake

Posted in blogging, Random

Action vs Procrastination

Woke up sluggish….. something definitely needs to change as I’ve not had that instant bounce in my step yet this year. Maybe it’s my diet, sleeping pattern or the realisation that my free days are coming to an end and I will be back at work on Monday. #sobs

But I decided that I would rest for the morning as that was what my body was calling for and be productive in the afternoon. I can only say that what was an intended rest could have turned into procrastination as I could easily have turned today into a duvet day but I knew that the list is too long to comp,eye in one day and tomorrow would be the last chance to tick things off.

So I got up and now I feel AMAZING as I have managed to get so much done and even did my yoga session – 4 days and counting

Today’s lesson – Procrastination is easy but Action is amazing

Posted in blogging, Emotion, Friendship, Random, Uncategorized, Women

A start is a start right??

Day 3 and the struggle sets in…..

I have to keep telling myself you can start any day ….. it doesn’t have to be Monday, the 1st, the beginning of the day, week, month or year. You just have to say it’s your day one and you want to make a start. So although I got up this morning and was convinced that just 72 hours into the new year I had missed the boat and some changes would have to wait until another time.

I had so many things, challenges and tasks and I was gonna start them all on the first of January and although I had begun some new things, there were others that I just didn’t begin BUT after the usual cycle of doubting myself and disbelief in my own abilities……. I started!!

Along with the blogging, I will be doing 30 days of yoga….. I’m two sessions in and feeling better for it

I’m guessing today’s lesson is …… You wanna start something? Then start !!

Posted in Emotion, Friendship, Random, Relationship, Women

Being Grateful

I woke up this morning with a banging headache but love in my heart.

It’s day 2 of 365 and last night was spent with more friends who have being family.

I’ve been so productive this morning but there is much to do as the end of 2017 was blighted with sickness and procrastination. BUT I’m remaining positive and picking up the slack from yesteryear.

In a show of gratitude I also send a friend a text explaining how grateful I am to have her in my life, I think it’s really important that you tell people how you feel and show your appreciation. I feel like we take our gratitude for granted and although they may know how you feel – it’s better to express it.

I’ve also started posting positivity mantras to give myself daily motivation. Check me out on Instagram

Today’s quote is “If you don’t like where you are MOVE, you’re not a tree

So I’m taking the bull by the horns and detoxing – MIND BODY AND MENTALITY

#Day2 Positivity is key and if you don’t like something , change it xx

Posted in Random, Women

Here we go….. #Day1

So we’ve made it …. 2018 – Be good to me please

After what can only be described as a perfect start to the new year, (full of food, drink and family) I am ready to tackle the new year with 100% enthusiasm.

I have been questioning the purpose of this blog as initially it was to get stuff off my chest in a way you can only do anonymously. This will remain the primary feature, but I also feel that it should cover the things that we don’t talk about. Like marriage and parenting or the unspoken guilt that comes with working and holding all these titles (wife, mother, daughter…. you get my drift)

I will start with the 31 day blogging to get my feet wet and hope that you will stay for the ride

Today is LITERALLY #DAYOne ……

Posted in #21daysblogging, Random

#Day 13 Crawling outside my Comfort ZoneĀ 

No matter how slow you think you are progressing, you are still overtaking everyone on the couch. #trainingmotto

 Day 13…… Unlucky for some

Today was full of barriers, self doubt, hurdles, my mind mixed with circumstances was screwing with me. Dramatic? Not today…. first my car was playing up – no problem will plan my journey and get the train *shudder*, then the bus to take me to the station did not turn up meaning I missed the desired train. Still workable, will reroute and take a later train from a different station….. get to station with seconds to spare and confused lady with buggy blocks my path and I miss the train!!

Right I’m sweating now, hair is frizzing, the air is thick with not a whisper of wind to cool me down. I’m ready to give up – call it a day and head back home. Everything is telling that this course is not meant for me – my business partner can’t come, I don’t wanna be late and I cant seem to get there!

I call my mate as I head back down the station stairs, explain the situation and she scoffs at me “Is that all it takes to give up? This is what happens outside your comfort zone…. go …. be amazing, if it’s this hard it will be worth it” So I turn on my heels, get the next scheduled train 5 minutes later and by God’s grace get there with 10 minutes to space #gofigure

The training session is about public speaking and anyone that knows me , knows I can talk for Britain but put me face to face with a “real professional / expert” or in front of a big group and I’m useless. Within the first 5 minutes the trainer explains that this is an interactive session and we will be doing most of the talking. I look around the room at all these confidence, professional women with business cards placed in plain sight ready for networking…. I shrink into my seat but as we are taught tips, tricks, share stories and gain structure. I’m ready to get in the thick of it and change the world !!

Under normal circumstances I would not have even entered the room but today just felt different, I feel the accountability of the blog also helped. What would I present if I had not attended? Excuses make us lose our authenticity but the truth is also not a great show of character if we do not try.

Needless to say my pitch was pants but it was an amazing starting point, I met some amazing women, learn something new about myself and my project ….. it was an all round win.

They say the magic happens outside of your comfort zone and I’m inclined to agree

Today was magical .

Posted in Emotion, Friendship, Love, Random, Relationship

Needy or Deserving?

Am I needy??

The best thing you can do for humanity is to go home and love your family #motherteresa

I think it’s so important that we invest in our families, broken kids grow into broken adults and broken adults are hard to fix. It’s the same with relationships – investment is everything!!

How can relationships continue to grown without the input from both parties ? 

I often wonder if, after a decade of being in a relationship and some years married, my constant need to keep our relationship alive can appear needy but I think that people that grow apart don’t initially see it coming. It’s so easy to get caught in a routine and if that routine does not include quality time then what do you expect when you wake up one morning and realise that your spouse is merely your room mate and the connection is simply for necessity rather than desire.

Not me !! No sir!! That’s not my portion

But I do think it’s hard, whether it be misaligned love languages, levels of expectations, benchmarks of past relationships or just busy lifestyles – I think if you’re in a relationship then you must invest. Reaping and sowing comes to mind, it also must not be one sided, I’ve found that when I’m trying so hard to make quality time and it is overlooked I feel like I’m begging for something that I deserve. Then resentment can grow and the feeling of being taking for granted can creep in. 

What defines us are our priorities in life 

Please correct me if I’m wrong but if you’ve married someone you consider your friend, than are you being needy wanting to spend time with them? Isn’t that what separates you from the average Joe.

Then the overanalysist in me says that being called or seen as needy is purely deflecting from their lack of desire to spend time.

There’s also the issue of finding time…… I must admit the quiet moments in this house are few and far between so when they appear there is the temptation to want to spend it alone (watch trash Tv, call back your mate for a gossip or simply lay in a dark room enjoying the silence) but it’s bucking the trend and doing a few of these things together that shows effort and makes the difference.

So the jury is out…… Deserving or needy?? 

Posted in Emotion, Random, Relationship

Chasing shadows

It’s amazing how someone can make a comment and it plays on your mind and can even alter you actions / reactions. 

Today I was fully tested, I have by 6 degrees of separation been in interaction with this person but we have never physically met. I knew I didn’t like them as our morals were not aligned, I was not happy with how they carried themselves and how their behaviour had an impact on me but nevertheless until this point they had been merely a shadow. 

I call them this as I am fully aware of their existence but know that their presence is temporary. 

I had been told not to worry but when no one was looking – I was trying to seek them out. I don’t like the unknown, suprises, not impressed that my instincts were not being taken seriously. But today it all made sense 

In completely twisted logic , the sun came out today – We came face to face and they really were nothing to worry about (a mess in fact) and like all shadows – they began to shrink in character once they had realised that I was there. 

I was able to walk away knowing that they had their chance and did not take it 

#riddles ? Maybe but it speaks to me (I get it)