Some say a problem shared is a problem halved….. for me sharing my problem is the equivalent of pointing out my weakness and exposing things that I consider failings….. whether or not they are my fault, they are associated to me and that is enough to make me clam up and keep it all in.
I also feel that speaking it, confirms its existence – whatever the problem may be. So I’m back writing instead as a way of releasing it and I suppose in a small way halving it by (kinda) sharing it with you.
If you are the strong, silent type that is able to read situations, predict reactions or outcomes and solve problems then you will understand why I get perplexed about my own issues and my upset at my lack of solutions – it feels like a short coming.
I just wanna be happy.
But the “Real” happy, genuinely happy as I have so many dark days…. even with the sun shining and loved ones around I question it all. My trust is low and worrying about external presception has become an element of daily life. Sometimes I question is real happiness even exists, I feel like some people around me have tasted it (at the very least) but I am also aware that how we present is not always what takes place behind closed doors.
I am yet to find a sustainable solution so I just keep marching on, mask firmly in place
Think I will start #21 days of blogging…. so I can review my thoughts