Posted in Uncategorized

First blog post…. 

This should be scary as it’s my way back to writing ….. that’s why I’ve kept the picture, as I am dipping my foot into the pool of emotions and writing. 

I miss the relief that it brings and the escape that it can provide. If I do hit the public button, I hope you will find understanding in my words. 


Posted in Diet struggles, Uncategorized

Week 4 – Absolute Pants

I think I need to be hypnotised 😔

I swear …..All week, all bloody week I have been stressing over my weigh in but does that stop me from stuffing my fact … Big fat (like me) NO!!!!

The shiver of joy that I got when I did a midweek bathroom scale jump… and I was down a few pounds but clearly I have shares in Papa Johns and didn’t want to disappoint him by not depositing money this month…… and now it’s Sunday and after a full plate, I’m sitting in what can only be described as the land of misery…… flipping heck, when will I learn 🙄

There will be on justice in the world if I’ve put on weigh and although a neutral balance is my worst cases scenario, a loss is what I need right now

Squash it, I’m gonna hula hoop for an 30 minutes to burn some calories and kiss my dessert good bye until after the weigh in

This is misery

Posted in Diet struggles, Uncategorized

Week 4:3 Snow day

Don’t ask me why but I’ve just clocked that there are only 6 days between each weigh in. I treat them like a week apart but actually just 6 days. This is me looking for the positives in this dreaded snow day.

To be trapped in doors for most of the day so scary because that’s when boredom becomes “fake” hunger. In my mix of calorie counting, 16/8, slimming world diet I am trying hard not to clear the kitchen of all sweet treats. I didn’t eat until 11am (I’m doing more of a 15/9 or even 14/10 🙄) and made a pack with myself to stop eating at 8pm …… It’s currently 10:30pm and I’m still on plan and sipping on the water now.

I had the unmanageable urge to jump on the scale today and was pleasantly surprised but this was met with extreme self doubt as it would be a loss that I would have to maintain for 3 1/2 days (weigh-in at 5pm Monday) …. with the dreaded weekend in the mix. Add the snow days, cold and desire for comfort food and I will be begging for a “no loss / no gain” unless I workout what the changes will be. Soooooo my thinking caps is on

If I’m calculating it wrong, Please tell me….. Today’s calories – 1,112 – SW syns 25 1/2 (the crisp ruined it 😔)

  • Red bush and vanilla tea with brown sugar and dash of milk 120 – SW 2 1/2 (for sugar)
  • 2 fried eggs 180 SW free
  • Oil spray 4 SW 1/2 syn
  • Seeded thins – 116 SW 5/12 HE
  • Butter 10g – 47 SW 1
  • Ketchup 15g – 12 SW 1
  • Pork with Jerk sauce – 280 SW 1 1/2 for sauce
  • Baked sweet potato 103 SW free
  • Bavaria shandy 90 SW 5 1/2
  • Roast chicken crisp – 132 SW 6 1/2
  • Hot dog (sausage) – 30 – SW 1 1/2 (wasted dead calories as I didn’t enjoy it)
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What a flop !!

How long before a repeated action becomes a habit ??

I’ve set out loads of great tasks set out to make 2018 amazing and I’m flopping already, at day 11……….. DAY 11!!

It’s not like I don’t think the tasks will make me a better person or enhance the life’s of those around me. I just can’t motivate myself to stay on track, I start everyday with a positive attitude and ready for change but in the same vein, every day is full of temptation or procrastination.

How can my old weight be my GOAL weight!! #theshame

I’m really annoyed because had I know this was how it would pan out, I would have been more content then!!

Clearly I’m not disgusted enough with myself….. I just don’t get – Answers on a postcard please

Anyway, after much discussion with my mate, it’s time to commit!!

Today’s lesson – making a change is great, committing to that change is even better !!

Posted in Diet struggles, Uncategorized

Everyday is the first day of my diet

Literally EVERY DAY

I have 3 weddings to attend in a few months and I don’t wanna be “Fat Amy” at all 3!!! ……. but the desire to change is overturned by my LOVE for food.

It could be considered an abusive relationship so much harder than other addictions because you need food to survive.

I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Well nearly, so decided that Slimming World would have to be the option of choice (with a mix of calorie counting because I can’t get my head around the Syns). I’ve given myself 2 months because that’s the date of the first wedding, so the last 3 weeks have been a tragedy but feel this is the turning point

Week 1 – 4lb down (Did I try….. fuck no but I made small changes and got results)

Week 2 – 1lb gained 😡 (Clearly the small success has gone to my head and I eat my weight in fast food and sweets, truthfully I’m lucky it wasn’t more)

Week 3 – 0.5lb down (again some small changes but the weekends are a curse to me…… I need to make significant changes and commit)

So…… we are at week 4 – today I didn’t eat until 3pm as it’s snowing and I was mega busy but although I had a yoghurt in my bag I chose to have KFC (a simple snack box full of bag choices) followed by a hot cross bun and mint tea (to try and create some balance) Another downhill day – ok on calories but the Syns have hit the roof.

Worst still I’m twiddling my thumbs (starving)

Today’s calories – 813 – SW 26.5 (disaster) KFC chicken breast – 320 SW 6 syns

  • KFC chips – 228 SW 6 syns
  • Heinz BBQ Sauce (packet) 10. SW 2 syns
  • Asda hot cross bun – 186 SW 10 syns ( unsatisfying and screwed everything)
  • Tbsp butter – 31 SW 1 syn
  • Mint tea (2 cubes brown sugar) 32 SW. 1syn
  • Polo mint sweet 7 0.5 syn
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When can I tap out??

First day back at work and I’m like ….. “Nah, this ain’t for me …… ”

I’m ruined

Like kids on the first day of school or you on the first day back at the gym …. I’m knackered and to top it off with mummy duties would be a step too far but had to be done (reluctantly).

I’m literally camped out in the front room because the 25 steps to the stairs and 13 treads up to my bedroom is too much to bare, even though the clock is ticking and bedtime has passed, I’m camped out hoping someone will come and carry me up…… side note – this is never gonna happen, no one in this house that that level of empathy, pity or compassion.

To top it off, the thought of having to do it all again tomorrow makes the 25 steps and 13 treads even more stressful.

I want to be out there living my best life but bills need to be paid and responsibilities covered but despite my moaning I actually like what I do.

But I do feel like there is more out there for me and it’s a matter of time before I’m in a position to do it full time. But for now, it’s time to get up, make that first step towards the bedroom and mentally prep myself for the rest of the week.

Today’s lesson – the first step is the hardest

Posted in Random, Rants

I’m the same …. But I’m different

There is so much I have had to consciously leave in 2017, it sounds corny but I literally have to make a mental note that something’s need to be left in the past and by carrying out the same actions you are simply carrying bad habits into the new year.

I am by no way perfect and still have a amendments a mountain high but something’s just can’t continue, some people just can’t come too. It’s weird how the word “friendship” or even the length of time you know someone translates into loyalty for those that may not deserve it.

What better time than the clock chiming midnight of 2017 to create a line in the sand. I’ve realised it doesn’t even need an announcement sometimes a quiet movement away from the negative energy is enough…. it doesn’t even need to be New Years, it just needs to be a heartfelt decision. And like the results of a diet – I feel better for it

Today’s thought Everything is a choice – whether good or bad, stay or leave

On 1/12/2018 I made mine

Posted in blogging, Random, Rants

Making promises you can’t keep

The title has given it away…..

With all the good intention in the world, today just wasn’t my day and tomorrow is likely not to be my day either….. It’s not like I don’t have a chance to change the state of play but after very quick and careful consideration I have chosen a box of maltesers over two sessions of yoga and the email backlog.

I am fully aware that the more “rest” days I have the less likely I am to complete the challenge but it’s Saturday, my house is now empty after another evening of entertaining and I just wanna chill. Sorry not sorry. But I’m still blogging and the penny challenge is on track – so 2/3 ain’t bad right.

Today thought was provoked by my obsession with “list”. Although through bullet journaling I am able to keep track of all the things that I need to do and believe me there are loads. Giving myself daily tasks rather than monthly list is often the cause of my disappointment as there are only 24 hours in the day but I seem to always give myself tasks that require 26 or 27 hours to complete (leading me to think it’s possible) but it’s not and I am always faced with the choice – Do I steal hours from tomorrow or pick the most important tasks are just complete that??? It’s a dilemma I deal with often.

I know it’s not sustainable so I intend to work with more focus and be realistic in my goals.

The idealistic approach sounds great but is it sustainable?? Realistic may not be impressive but it will reap results

Posted in blogging, Random, Uncategorized

Off plan or No plan ??? You decide…..

So today was my last day of freedom before I return to work next week. It was meant to be full of personal achievements, box ticking and all round completion….. but it was interrupted by other around me and some how I end up in the town centre with shopping bags (breaking no spend January- 5 days in).

My only victory was the timeframe and underspend, basically I convinced myself I didn’t need that top that I’m now trolling the internet looking and I parked in a place where I was time restricted to stop it being a “day out”

But it still appeared to be all downhill from there, although I am now a proud owner of a yoga mat, 24 hours have passed and I missed today’s session. Then we had family visit so the evening tasks were swapped for laughter and dining out.

I even missed the bloggers deadline….. but in true “me” fashion and with the optimism that 2018 is more about the long game and creating change rather than beating myself up for my failures, I’m here at 3.34am giving you #day5 with the plan to do 2 sessions of yoga in the morning (later)

Today’s lesson – better late than never, but never late is better…….. Drake

Posted in blogging, Random

Action vs Procrastination

Woke up sluggish….. something definitely needs to change as I’ve not had that instant bounce in my step yet this year. Maybe it’s my diet, sleeping pattern or the realisation that my free days are coming to an end and I will be back at work on Monday. #sobs

But I decided that I would rest for the morning as that was what my body was calling for and be productive in the afternoon. I can only say that what was an intended rest could have turned into procrastination as I could easily have turned today into a duvet day but I knew that the list is too long to comp,eye in one day and tomorrow would be the last chance to tick things off.

So I got up and now I feel AMAZING as I have managed to get so much done and even did my yoga session – 4 days and counting

Today’s lesson – Procrastination is easy but Action is amazing

Posted in blogging, Emotion, Friendship, Random, Uncategorized, Women

A start is a start right??

Day 3 and the struggle sets in…..

I have to keep telling myself you can start any day ….. it doesn’t have to be Monday, the 1st, the beginning of the day, week, month or year. You just have to say it’s your day one and you want to make a start. So although I got up this morning and was convinced that just 72 hours into the new year I had missed the boat and some changes would have to wait until another time.

I had so many things, challenges and tasks and I was gonna start them all on the first of January and although I had begun some new things, there were others that I just didn’t begin BUT after the usual cycle of doubting myself and disbelief in my own abilities……. I started!!

Along with the blogging, I will be doing 30 days of yoga….. I’m two sessions in and feeling better for it

I’m guessing today’s lesson is …… You wanna start something? Then start !!