This should be scary as it’s my way back to writing ….. that’s why I’ve kept the picture, as I am dipping my foot into the pool of emotions and writing.
I miss the relief that it brings and the escape that it can provide. If I do hit the public button, I hope you will find understanding in my words.
Do you ever just wanna get in your car and just go??
With no location in mind, just drive away….. maybe it's the fight or flight theory in action but I've noticed this feeling has been creeping in more and more.
I go from being wound so tight that my attitude towards life becomes painful to complete reluctance to cooperating because I know it's not being done my way in my timeframe – YES, I see the control freak elements of that sentence but I also know that most of what I do is not for my own direct benefit. That's why it's fustrating
I wonder whether my real issue is communication, maybe I'm not expressing myself in a way that motivates those around me to fulfil the required tasks or maybe my levels of expectation is just too high…. I don't know
What I do know is that something needs to change – this is not healthy
Has anything ever happened in your life that makes you question who you are??
I mean really rocked your core and changed your preception or question your identity
Is this because we benchmark ourselves against our surroundings, judge our character on those closest to us?
I'm so unsure , because who I was two weeks ago is not who I am today, through no fault of my own, not because of my actions but because what I believed to be my foundation has changed and with it my moral compass and identity.
It's kind of unfair
I'm completely unprepared for this change and with it comes a different view on those around me. They are different because I am different.
Hard to explain but it raises the question of what makes us, us?
Until this point I thought the only thing that could change me was me but now I know that it's so much more complex than that.
So I start this journey again, like a teenager navigating life – I try to find / define myself
So this one is the last of this series #21 Days blogging….. we made it (thanks to those that have regularly read and like them)
I wake with mixed emotions….. Today is my birthday 🎉 ………. and it’s also the day that another tragedy has taken place in London.
It’s soooo sad and scary at the same time. I work round there, have had courses in that very area and can think of more than one night when I have casual walked down those very streets on a Saturday night. Its not happening from in a far away country, it’s on my doorstep!!
There’s just so much tension now because it becomes more real, the footage and first hand accounts are by people like us, it’s not called a TERROR ATTACK for nothing. My heart is heavy!!
On another note, last night I was digging my heels in….. my birthday was cancelled. I have no car as it broke down on Saturday and I was frustrated as I had so much planned. My family however, had different plans and made sure that the day did not pass me by.
In the bigger scheme of things my worries are small and fixable in comparison.
It really made me thing about all the things that I take for granted. It gives extra meaning to taking the time to appreciate my loved ones, tell them you love them and make sure that each last interaction is positive, because you really don’t know when you walk out the door whether you or your loved ones will return
I guess the message is LOVE!!
I will continue to blog but it won’t be daily unless my brain is too full and requires an outlet.
Have a blessed day guys, be brave, be fearless….. be loving.
If you have enjoyed my #21 days blog- please like and comment
You know you’re getting old when your not counting down the days till your birthday with weekends upon weekends of celebrations planned and subtle as a sledgehammer comments in every conversation.
Instead unless it’s considered one of the significant birthdays, it’s a quiet affair / intimate meal or sit down event. This…. is one of those and to make matters more interesting, Mother Nature is unable to decide if she will be visiting. so I have the mood swings, cramps and lack of patience to also contend with.
It is also the grazing to o close of this blogging series…. what a rollercoaster ride that had been? I didn’t realise how emotional I was until I started to read back. Wow
I was up ready ready to do my 2.5km this morning and was joined by my other half. It was a chance to really talk without the distraction of technology or the kids. I think it’s often what’s missing #communication, it’s so vital to keeping everyone uptodate and avoiding crossed wires. Had to do my priming later in the day but it’s a challenge that I have set for myself and currently I’m 2/2.
Can I get up and walk on my birthday?? Now that would be great
Today the sun naturally woke me up at 6pm and for the first time in ages I felt motivated.
My plan was to start everyday with a quick walk (roughly 2km) and some “prime time” (will explain that later….)
I was in an amazing mood, I didn’t rely on others to motivate me to get up and out of bed. I just knew it was make or break for me – 1st day of the month, such a good way to begin. It was also lovely outside which helped.
Throughout the day I have felt unstoppable, ready to fulfil my potential…. getting ready to be the best version of me come my birthday – the countdown has officially begun.
But true to form, my surroundings are tilting in a different direction.
Sometimes I just feel like for every step I take forward, something will happen to create a negative spin. Today it was a reoccurrence of a situation that I have discussed previously, I’ve explained my concerns but realise it has fallen on deaf ears.
With the mindset that I can only manage my own emotions and reactions I decide not to rise and go to bed early.
Tomorrow is another day……
For those interested in a positive mindset.
Prime time: (based on To y Robbins method) 1 minute Deep breathes , 3 minutes Showing gratitude – for me it’s praying and thanking God for my blessings, 3 minutes Praying for my family, friend, work colleagues or people you meet through the day and finally 3 minutes Focusing on 3 main outcomes for the day – what does that look like to you … etc
Patience was tried and tested today….. When every plan you make turns on its head sometimes it’s better to stand still and let the situation play out.
Was feeling like pants this morning, I wake up so early but do not have the motivation to get out of bed and go for a walk…. it was one of my New Years resolutions and 6 months in I’m still hitting the snooze button.
To cheer myself up, I sit in front of the mirror and do my make up, no particular reason other than hoping that looking pretty will make me feel better. I was half way there but once I had my hair done….. (birthday hair) …. I was feeling on top of the world.
It’s nuts how just changing your hair can have such a positive impact.
I’m fully feeling myself now….. gosh I’m knocking myself for being so shallow but after a quick selfie photo shoot in the car, I’m ready to face the world…. it’s just a pity it is so late at night… #daydone
Tomorrow I start #FLY30 – a month of living fearlessly…. can’t wait !!
Afternoon my lovelies
Woke up with great intentions this morning, with a positive attitude ready to face the world.
I rushed to work, was stood up at a prearranged appointment- no worries, will make good use of the time and turn what could have been a negative into a positive situation.
As the #21 day blog is entering in the final quarter I realise that there are real benefits to blogging daily. I also realise that I’m “time poor”. Through the the 15 days I’ve often been typing frantically at 11.59 trying to post it on the right day, I’ve also put it off and forgotten – woken at 3am and typed the draft ….. it’s all stuff and nonsense but I’ve got it done.
I was invited the do a 30 day challenge, in which you live fearlessly for 30 days, doing things you would normally never do and taking chances you normally would avoid. I’m excited, signed up – now to think of ALL the things I should/ could do in my birthday month.
It’s gonna be interesting
If you have a minute, leave a comment and let me know what you would do.
Today was all about glimpses of the past
After a rollercoaster of emotions this week, I am faced with the opportunity to go out and let my hair down. But in true “ME” style, I turn down the opportunity !
Is this the return of the old me? Did I ever leave, let alone – return?
I just know that as I sat on the sofa contemplating the prospect, it just felt like too many steps ever required (get up, get ready, find something suitable to wear, make it there… etc ….etc). The easy option was to decline and stay in my safe spot.
Not sure if my reluctance to move means I’ve slipped off the motivation wagon but I do know that sometimes I just wanna do nothing but sit home and chill. Although thanks to what can only be described as “sour grapes” (literally) the day has not been completely stress free. My stomach has been turning and the loss of liquid has been painful – maybe subconscious I knew my belly would be bad. It would have been ten times worse if I was out with my mates too
I’ve been attacking the hot water, in an attempt to curb the pain. This may be my comeuppance for exaggerating I’ll health when asked if I was coming. Not one to be a liar – my body is responding 😩
Next week is gonna be so busy – a little peace and quiet can’t hurt.
I’m trying to remain focused on my bubble….. not let outside influences blur my vision.
But I spent the morning in bed, feeling a little drained (unsure why?) So I’ve made the conscious effort to get up, get dressed and…. bake ! (Baking has always been my escape)
Today I made something new – a Jamaican spiced bun…. two in fact (one in bread maker and the other was oven baked) and they were delicious…. I’ve been nibbling all afternoon.
Had a chat with my close mate today, she made me realise the benefits of blogging and how therapeutic it has been for me, it also has given me a sense of accountability in terms of making every day count so that I have something to blog about but most importantly she confirmed what I also ready knew…. duvet days aren’t always a bad thing
In her words “Even doctors prescribe BED REST”
Reading back through my last few posts I notice the rollercoaster of emotion and that although I’ve felt very alone, simply extending my hand and reaching out to my mates could have made the much needed difference. Basically even when we feel very alone, it’s because we have wandered off …… alone and we are still loved even when we feel empty.
Friends are the family we chose – and I would chose her over and over again xx
Today’s blog post will be short and sweet
I’m still riding the wave of yesterday’s taste of what success could be like. I woke up with so much energy that I had to create a todo list to transform it into something practical and surprisingly I got stuff done.
It funny how one small thing can really push you towards your potential – *self belief*
I updated all my social media for my project, tweeted and retweeted until I upped my followers (success). I paid bills, spend some quality time with my daughter – which ultimately is what weekends are about and was even able to tackle the small tree in my garden that my gran has been fussing about (cut back, cut down before it ruined the house 🙄)
All in all I would say that positive energy is transferable from day to day and having the right attitude definitely helps get things done.
You can not get positive results with a negative mind #me
Roll on tomorrow!!